Funny Texas Quotes and Phrases

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Funny Texas Quotes

Those of us from Texas know we’re from a unique place. Our language, food, and culture stand out next to the rest of the U.S. At your next party, bring your funny Texas quotes to the table.

Zipps Liquor can help stock your party with drinks, but we can also help you with our favorite Texasisms quotes and phrases.

Where Do Texasisms Come From?

Texas sets itself apart from other states because it was an independent nation before becoming a state. It had its own creation story, the Revolutionary war, and negotiated exceptional circumstances to become a state. The original language of Texas was Spanish until English-speaking settlers began to create a shift in language. Throughout the years, a blend of cultures created how we see Texas now.

Texas Phrases

Those not familiar with Texan slang may have difficulty figuring out what we’re talking about. The Lone Star State has various quirky idioms you’re likely to hear all day and every day. While not all quotes originate in Texas, there’s no doubt that the following stuck around when they arrived here. Here are some of our top picks for funny Texas sayings.

“Bless your heart.”

If you’re from anywhere in the South, you’ve heard this trademark phrase. It was first noticed in Henry Fielding’s play, The Miser, in 1732. When you bless your heart, it may be sincere or patronizing.

“Madder than a wet hen.”

In the 1800s, farmers dunked hens into buckets of water if they became irritable.

“You can hang your hat on that.”

When someone says you can hang your hat on that, they mean that the words are guaranteed. For example, you cannot hang a 10-gallon hat on an unreliable, weak hat rack.

“As long as a country mile.”

In the country, if people tell you that a place is a mile up the road, they may mean half a mile, or they may mean five miles. No one is counting, so we mean a long way when we say as long as a country mile.

“Wouldn’t bite a biscuit.”

To say someone wouldn’t bite a biscuit is to say that the person or animal is timid or harmless. Think about a dog so docile it doesn’t bite treats.

“Ugly as sin.”

Ugly as sin comes from the quote ugly as the devil. Popular in the 1700s, ugly as the devil became ugly as sin in the 1800s. To call something ugly as sin means that it is hideous in the physical and spiritual sense.

“This ain’t my first rodeo.”

In the movie Mommie Dearest, Joan Crawford’s character said an iteration of the phrase, but years later, Vern Gosdin popularized the phrase with his song “This Ain’t My First Rodeo.” To say it means you have experience.

“More than you could shake a stick at.”

If it’s more than you can shake a stick at, then it’s a lot. When sheep farmers controlled their herds, they would wave their staff. If they had too many sheep, the method wouldn’t work.

“Burnin’ daylight.”

To burn daylight means you are running out of time. Romeo and Juliet refer to burning candles throughout the day as burning resources.

Funny Texas Quotes About the Weather

Sometimes, all you can do is laugh about it when it comes to Texas weather. With seasons alternating so fast, the best forecast comes from looking at the sky.

The Reality of Texas Weather

When it comes to Texas weather, we always wonder why it feels like we’re on a rollercoaster of temperatures. If you live out west, you’re used to hot and dry temperatures, whereas the north tends to be more dry and cold. If you’re from southern Texas, you may be more used to the humidity, and in the east, it’s hot and humid.

In Texas, we have warm and cold fronts. The Gulf of Mexico causes rapid warm spikes because moist air is picked up and brought to North Texas. In addition, cold and dry air comes from Canada and moves straight to Texas.

Jokes About the Weather

While Texans and non-Texans alike can appreciate these jokes about the weather, you’ll find them even more relatable if you’re from Texas. Here are our favorite funny Texas weather quotes.

  1. Texas has two seasons: summer and winter. Usually, they alternate within the same days of the week.
  2. Q: How do hurricanes see?

A: With one eye!

  1. Q: Why did the woman go outdoors with an open purse?

A: She expected some change in the weather.

  1. It’s so hot that all I got was steam when I turned on my sprinkler!
  2. Q. Why did the lightning get into trouble?
  3. It didn’t know how to conduct itself.

Funny Texas Quotes

Texas is home to various celebrities and personalities. Everyone has something to say about the Lone Star State, from historical figures to modern-day actors.

  1. In the words of John Steinbeck, “Texas is a state of mind. Texas is an obsession. Above all, Texas is a nation in every sense of the word.”
  2. “In Texas, we practically come out of the womb in jeans,” said Kelly Clarkson.
  3. Willie Nelson has said, “there is a freedom you feel the closer you get to Austin, Texas.”
  4. “Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with,” said Jensen Ackles.
  5. Rosemary Kent said, “only Texas could turn defeat into a legend– and a song, and a tourist attraction and a major motion picture.”
  6. “Texans ignored ‘better,’ long ago forgot the useless word ‘good.’ Everything in Texas is ‘best,’” said Edward Smith.
  7. Everyone that knows the Texas swagger can relate to when Carl Sandburg said, “Texas is a blend of valor and swagger.”
  8. If you’re a Texas native, you may relate to Sissy Spacek’s quote: “One day, it just dawned on me that I’m from Texas, and that’s what I am.”
  9. John Gunther once said, “if a man’s from Texas, he’ll tell you. If he’s not, why embarrass him by asking?”
  10. Finally, in the words of Davy Crockett, “you can all go to hell, and I will go to Texas.”

Liven Up Your Party With Zipps Liquor

When it comes to throwing a party, you need to bring more than your jokes and charms to the table. At Zipps Liquor, we have a large selection of beer, spirits, and wine. Whether you want the classics on your table or something unique, we can provide them for your party. To find out more about our alcohol, contact us today!

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